Should I Tip My Photographer?

At the end of a wedding night several years ago, I had a bride come up to me as I was packing my gear. She was visibly concerned. We had already said our goodbyes, I congratulated her, and she had thanked me profusely for the work I'd done that day.

But this was something else. "Oh my gosh!" She said. "I think I'm supposed to tip you, but I didn't bring any extra money!"

I was a bit taken aback. Certainly I had received tips now and again, but the bride was genuinely having a hard time with this. I told her that I appreciated the sentiment, but it absolutely was not necessary. She said she just didn't want to offend me. I assured her that I was not offended in the slightest and everything was totally fine.

A week later I received a thank you card in the mail from her. It included a small cash bonus.

Whether or not couples should tip their wedding vendors is a question that has been asked for a long time. It tends to stir up strong opinions and debate. Many articles have been written in wedding magazines that take the adamant position that you should NEVER tip your vendors.

I don't like the word "never," so let's talk about tipping, pricing, and why people get riled up about this.

First of all, as I write this, we are all experiencing something of a "tipping fatigue." With the proliferation of digital payment methods, such as Square readers, it seems as though just about every store we go into these days offers the option to leave a tip. And the psychology of it is devious. No one wants to be thought of as a heartless jerk by just pressing "no tip," so we instinctively hit one of the percentages and call it a day.

It's creating such a backlash that people are starting to resist tipping to the point that even service industries, like bartenders and wait staff, that rely on tips are starting feel a pinch from it.

At the end of the day, a tip is supposed to be an appreciation, not an obligation. We tip our bartenders and servers because we realize that it's a difficult job performed for what is, essentially, a luxury.

But wait, you say, isn't a big wedding a luxury?

It sure is.

Here's the thing, though: As a photographer, I don't build my pricing structure around the need to supplement my income with tips. (Whether or not we should pay bartenders/servers wages that don't require tips is an entirely different topic and too big of a discussion to get into here.)

The fact that photographers, DJs, caterers, wedding planners, etc., don't build their pricing around tips is the number one argument made for why they should never be tipped.

But again, I hate the word "never."

I'm of the opinion that vendors shouldn't EXPECT tips.

I have received tips from clients. One couple tipped me $1500 at the end of the night and years later I'm still trying to wrap my head around that level of generosity. One of the best tips I ever received was a bottle of good whiskey and a bag of quality cigars. And I've saved every single thank you card that couples of sent me over the years.

Good whiskey, tasty cigars, and other treats remain one of my favorite thank you gifts / tips that I've ever received from a couple. Thanking your vendors doesn't have to be about money.

Yet, at the end of the night, I don't go up to couples with my hand out hoping they will put something in it. I've never thought less of clients that haven't left me a tip because, like I said, I don't expect one.

The bottom line is that you shouldn't listen to anyone who tells you never to tip your vendors, and you especially shouldn't listen to anyone who says you must. There's nothing wrong with factoring extra money into your budget for the possibility of giving out tips. Just don't feel like it's an obligation.

If your experience with the vendor was exceptional, fun, made the day go smoothly, and you want to express that with something extra, then anything you give them will be greatly appreciated.

But so will a heartfelt thank you.